I was at the breaking point when I was overheard on the phone commenting on the state of my team.

I called the office and asked whether a particular call had come in. I asked the young woman to check the message slips. She had trouble finding the message and put me on hold (I thought). Apparently, I wasn’t on hold when I said to someone sitting nearby that “I’m surrounded by fucking idiots.”

Since I wasn’t on hold, she heard my comment. She was smart enough to figure out that I was referring to her. She walked out and never returned. I had to pay unemployment compensation after a hearing.

Are You Paying the Asshole Tax?

I’m working with a great lawyer right now who never would have done what I did.

In fact, she likely wouldn’t have even thought it.

Where I see the mistakes, she sees the achievements. Where I see impending disaster, she sees opportunities for growth.

She’s busy being a cheerleader while I’m contemplating the next mean-spirited, sarcastic, cutting remark.

She’s the positive to my negative.

And, interestingly, she’s getting amazing results from her people. They’re growing, they’re excited, and they’re sticking around.

And the numbers—OMG the numbers—they’re fantastic.

Yep, being a cheerleader works. Being an asshole is dramatically less effective.

That’s what all the experts have always said, but seeing it in action is kind of shocking. There’s an “asshole tax,” and it’s substantial. We’re talking real money. I wonder whether I would have said those things if I’d had to pay the tax each time something slipped out of my mouth.

How to Support Your Team

Anyone who’s ever read word one about raising children has read the “catch them doing something right” advice. We’re supposed to praise them for the things they do right and pay little attention to the things they do wrong. Something about not giving them attention for the negative things they do. Let them have the attention for the good behavior, not the bad.

That advice applies to business as well.

I was raised on Highlights magazine. It had this “what’s wrong with this picture” feature in each issue. I obsessed about finding as many things wrong as possible. I wanted to catch them all, and I was pretty good at it.

Apparently, “what’s wrong with this picture” isn’t particularly good management training.

“What’s right with this picture” would have been much better. I wish they’d had that in the magazine.

Finding the things your team is doing right, and highlighting those things, gets you more and more of the right stuff.

Pointing out what they’re doing wrong—especially if they overhear you doing it on the phone—simply gets you a new team. Plus, on top of the turnover, you get to pay the “asshole tax.”

Being a good cheerleader gets you long-term employees, lower training costs, fewer errors, and a more cohesive, cooperative team. Ultimately, cheerleading results in happier clients, more referrals, and greater work satisfaction for you.

You can catch them doing something wrong, try to fix it, and get perfect performance right up until the moment they leave. Their departure will likely happen sooner rather than later.

Alternatively, you can catch them doing something right, praise it, get more of it, and have them stick around forever.

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Obviously, there’s no perfect way to manage your team. You’re going to be providing some praise as well as some critical feedback. But, if you’re like me and spend more time being critical than praiseful, then it’s worth doing the math. How much are you paying for the asshole tax?